The Wow, That Sucked post seems to have triggered the concern of multitudes. Mostly of The Parentals. "You sound so raw and angry," wrote my mother after reading Part I. "What happened? Wasn't the wedding in Bochum good?" My father, who not too long ago didn't even know how to hit Send, shot a late-night flattery-rich missive across the globe.
Adam wanted me to know that he'd spotted Super Grover flying overhead (see photo he snapped below). After crash-landing at the Oberholz, the world's best blue monster informed Adam that no matter how down Lilan feels, he believes she will always pick herself up, brush herself off, and succeed. When Adam asked Super G if he was going to attempt to fly back home, he just looked puzzled and said: "Hell yeah!"
I have never known Super G to say "Hell yeah!" However, I am not one to doubt the words of Junior Tech God Psycho Chili Maker. (For the baffled readers amongst you, the import of Super Grover shall be revealed. Another day.)
Super G or no, the weekend with Katrinka is past. The Curse The Hermit laid lifted within days, when a trio of Oberholz patrons (male persuasion) swarmed my table and, like witches circling their cauldron, reversed the spell.
Not that I am currently thriving. Homelessness does not agree with me. All at ends, loose and frayed. Even the sweet squash that my cousin roasted for dinner, and Nikolai's white-blond head on my arm as I read him Richard Scarry, and the green pencil Rosa thrust at me so that I could help her color are not enough to lace me tight again.
I am dangling between worlds. The Friedrichshain life I lived and left. The New York life I lived and left and shall shortly revisit. And the Berlin life I shall live when I return from the life I lived and left and shall shortly leave again.
The last is the bold-faced ?. Not just location either.
The first two months are the easy ones: Thrill of the new. Skirting Berlin's surface. Autumn climes. All of it temporary.
The next two months: Discovery slows. The new loses its sheen. The crust breaks, I drop deeper. Will it suit me? The German-ness? And U.S. friends so far, distance now long-term. Can I ride the waves of loss?
Plus: Winter in Berlin. I say I love this place. Everyone warns: "Ah, wait till winter." The sky spits cold and wet and mean. Drives us indoors. Streets die a little death.
Finally: The book I am meant to write. Have Got To Get On It. But will the words burble? The drawings dance spright? It could be more like daily battle. Lonely at my desk (what desk?). Laptop my nemesis.
Might as well try. Fly. Crash. Brush myself off. Laugh. Fly again. Crash. Laugh...
And so it goes.
Hey Lilan,
As per usual, another great post. I'm honoured that you've included my **photo** of Super-G, along with his wisely spoken words.
And yes, you're right that the novelty of living in a new city does wear off after a few months and life continues as normal; of course it does!!
The excitement of the new is easily attained, but REAL love grows with time and patience.
Posted by: Junior (grrrr) Tech God (AKA: Adam) | October 17, 2007 at 05:47 AM
You are a wise wise wise Junior Tech God Psycho Chili Maker.
Posted by: Lilan | October 17, 2007 at 05:50 AM
To Adam: Excellent drawing!
To Lilan: I can't believe I let you go to Germany. Of course now you're going to stay there. This is just sinking in. Grrrr.
Okay, really: Grrrrrrreat! What an amazing thing you're doing! Yes, homelessness is stressfull and sucky.
Looking forward to your finding new digs to dig into. Book will come soon after I'm sure. Looking forward too to your SF visit!!!
I WILL NOT BE GOING ANYWHERE!
In fact, I am highly likely to not even descend the (36) front stairs until January. Peanut is due December 3.
Posted by: Julie | October 17, 2007 at 07:52 AM
I might stay, I might not. I ain't promising anything! Gotta ride out one of these infamous winters...
December 3 is my brother's birthday! And he is such a good peanut, even with his odd Sufi cap. This can only be a good sign. Plus, it's Sadge like me. We all know there is nothing better than a Sadge. :-)
Posted by: Lilan | October 17, 2007 at 08:33 AM
Don't worry about the parents Leeler
I think for one they always overreact to the word SUCKS
It's never been in their vocabulary
Hope your clawing skills get stronger, I know how that is. The invisible thing, so familiar and comfortable and strong but its baloney(old) I had a little of that in NYC this past recent trip.
lov
micha-lein
Posted by: micha patri | October 18, 2007 at 12:46 AM
You? Invisible? Never, my schnuckleputzl!!! All you have to do is say you are a jazz SINGER (ditch the drums) and you will be golden. :-) Bussis, deine Schwesterchen
Posted by: Lilan | October 18, 2007 at 01:49 AM
Re: Sadge -- yes! that's what I'm hoping. Could come early though, which would be scorpio... shudder!
Posted by: Julie | October 18, 2007 at 09:02 AM
i love this blog entry and all the postings! --loved ones to the rescue! not to mention Super-G! adam's "snap-shot" is stunning and sooo thoughtful. sounds like a good friend.
insightful of you to notice the novelty of the city wearing off, and not necessarily judge that as a "bad" thing or that it means you are not supposed to be there. i totally agree with your friend- the book is sure to flow from the new home that is sure to come. we can all help you manifest it--tell us exactly what you want so we can envision with you!
Posted by: jess | October 18, 2007 at 04:51 PM