Kaufrausch

Day 3 and my heart is exhausted. Expanding, contracting.... I love New York. I love it not. I  love New York. I love it not.

Afraid to open to the pieces, the people I have always held close. For when I leave Sunday, I will have to miss them all over again.

Small treasures:

Corner deli guy. Eyes flashing delight when I walked in. Wouldn't let me pay for my SMART water. I don't even know his name.

Cheryl. Hurrah for therapists! Hurrah.

The Flying Saucer Cafe. Orange walls. Green padded chairs. Tall Fair Trade coffee (yes, so tasty in Berlin, but so very tiny!). Half a novel written here. Lovers and friends collected here. Thirtieth birthday rung in here.

Barneys J Crew Anthropologie Sephora Bloomies. O. The Beauty! As if God knew I had only Thursday to assemble an entire winter wardrobe for a land in which winter lasts six months. I shopped for eight hours straight. Have never found (and purchased) so much loveliness in a single day. O. Kaufrausch. The Joy!

The Me I am here. Feisty. Secure. Fashion-forward. Fluent in the City and its offerings. In Berlin, I am one quivering question: Where to find ...? How to say ...? How to use ...? When to kiss ...?

Then again, it is the Not Knowing that infuses even the insertion of an ATM card with mystery (upside down? backwards?). Every step a chance at a stumble.

Perhaps that is why I need Berlin. To be a beginner. All over again.

Open. Awake. Humble.

Except not so humble that I buy my clothes in Berlin. O. Not that. Never.

Comments

[jess]

i am green with envy of the 8 hour shopping day! sounds wonderful! glad to know you are over the super nasty bug and back in NY. glad to have the time to catch up on your blog and your whereabouts.
much love,
jess

[Lilan]

It was one of the best shopping days of my life! :-)

[emily]

I read this...and then I saw you, a few minutes later. I wish it was that easy every time!

[Lilan]

I know! Waah! It was sooo lovely to see you, though, Emily, and a great surprise to boot. You looked beautiful, radiant. I am not kidding. Leaving Parenting.com = better than a facial :-)